My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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