But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
