You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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