When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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