Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
