I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
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Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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