I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
