i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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