hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
