worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
