We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
