If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
