she looked like the bat from fern gully.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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