honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
