I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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