Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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