xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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