Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Randomize
