Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
