Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
