there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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