Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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