Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
