i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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