i already hear my dad disowning me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
