god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
