Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
