I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
