dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
