Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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