I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
