Apparently you make a good broom.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
