on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
