I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
