this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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