you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
