Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
