New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
