How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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