I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
