exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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