It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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