i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize