who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
