"it" just moved
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
