Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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