ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
