So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
