you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
