I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
