i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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