I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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