So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
