I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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