I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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