So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
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Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
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I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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