I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
