I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
