Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
