shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
