Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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