you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
