Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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