$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
