He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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