Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
