We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
