I wish I only lived at night.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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