I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
