I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
