Swine flu. Run for my life!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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