Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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