Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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