I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
