you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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