I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
