Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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