your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
