just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
