Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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