pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
