I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
