I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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