Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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