Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
