ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
