T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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