im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
