Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
